How many steps exactly?

All masters of Sinanju are taught the steps required to bring women to sexual fulfillment. But just how many steps are there? The most popular belief is that there are thirty two steps in the program - but the little known fact is that there are actually three different programs (this was revealed in "Profit Motive, #48.)

Remo has learned three separate techniques: One takes twenty seven steps, another takes thirty seven steps, and the final one uses fifty two steps. The problem Remo has with these techniques, is that all the fun has been taken out of sex for him. He has rarely found a woman that can last beyond step twelve. The women of Sinanju require the entire fifty two step program. Remo believes that this is because they are so, well, ugly.

Chiun has warned Remo to never use the fifty two step system on "normal" women, as it will drive them insane. So of course Remo asks Chiun what the use is in learning the fifty two step method. Remo then states that if he can not use it on a woman, he is "sure as dick not going to use it on a man." Chiun replies "Must you always be so disgusting?"

Remo has encountered one type of woman that requires at least 12 steps, plus is often immune to Remo's natural attraction. Lesbians. Yep. And Remo falls for them every time... Although in recent books, Remo has not encountered any more Lesbians.

An author's note on this subject reads: "Many people have expressed interest in the precise nature of the steps used by Remo to bring women to a state of erotic fulfillment. The authors have decided not to reveal these techniques, however, because they have no interest in seeing half the world's population reduced to quivering, happy, mindless sex slaves. The knowledge of the techniques must remain safely with Remo, Chiun, and the authors. Sorry."

Gee, having "half the world's population reduced to quivering, happy, mindless sex slaves" sounds fine to me!

The Secret Is Still A Secret

Chiun teaches these steps to Remo early on in his Sinanju training, and Remo uses them often. On friends. On enemies. To shut up annoying females. Even the movie mentioned the technique. Note that the steps alternate left than right, each alternate step being closer to the heart (left side.) Here is what has been revealed so far of the Thirty-Seven steps...

Step one: Tapping the inside of the left wrist, in time to the heartbeat. Increase the speed of the tapping. The tapping will increase the heartbeat to 150 beats per minute

Step four: Massage of the small of the back

Step five: Massage of the inside of the left knee, followed by the right knee

Step six: The perimeter of the Right armpit

Step seven: The perimeter of the left armpit

Step eight: Massage the inside of the upper right thigh

Step nine: Massage of the inside of the upper left thigh

Step ten: "Mountain climbing" the fingers over the right breast

Step eleven: Trailing the fingers over the left breast to a peak that was hard and vibrant

- At this point she is usually jelly, and forces Remo to jump to step thirty seven (Remo's personal favorite)...

Step thirty seven: Penetration